Tuesday, February 8, 2011

There's a 1st time for everything...

Hello Universe...

So here I am - like a field who's crop hasn't been rotated in years - my surface is dry and broken. Deep down though, there is richness - dark, and dense.

A little background, perhaps???
So...

I have been burned and bruised time and time again by people I invite into my realm. I am trusting to a fault, and I haven't been as good to myself as I should be. At the same time though - I have been blessed over and over again and am convinced that I have a collective of angels around who've got my back.

My partner in life - my best friend - the only one I ever felt who actually really GOT me - the man who's children I bore; turned on me, almost without warning a little over a year ago. When I see him these days, I look into his eyes; hoping for a glimpse of the man I used to know...No such luck.

I keep thinking this will all be over soon - a bad dream I'll wake up from eventually, and I'll go down to the kitchen - turn on the coffee and the music, and dance with my family while breakfast cooks.
Those were happy times....

In a way though, it was then that I was dreaming, and I am awake now - in a new realm. It's lonelier here, and  much quieter. I thought I'd like the silence, but I don't - it makes me uneasy...

I always knew I could do it on my own - if I had to.... Never really wanted to, though.

As happy as I thought I was in those days, as I peel the layers back, it's obvious how stifled I allowed myself to become. I, like so many women; conformed ( in some ways ) to the expectations my husband had of me and I was too busy nurturing everyone else to look inside and see that my soil was drying out.

I am a creative warrior momma and entrepreneur, clawing my way out of this hole, one day at a time....
I love good company. :)

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